Ionia Accepts Challenge
Quinton Groat reporting from IoniaTwo weeks ago, Chancellor Malek Hawkmoon, the officer in charge of Noxian forces in Ionia, shocked Runeterrans by announcing that Noxus was willing to offer Ionia an early rematch for control of its three southern provinces: Galrin, Navori, and Shon-Xan.
An official statement was released by Karma, the Duchess of Ionia, this morning:
"Friends, we consider ourselves fortunate to be able to address you today with a message of hope not only for our beloved Shojin monk, who continues to suffer in the Lotus Gardens, but also for all who live in oppression throughout Runeterra. Many have criticized Ionia's pacifistic stance during the Rune Wars, and some have claimed that we paid a deserved price when Noxus' shock troops landed on our shores. It is true that our peaceful views left us at a military disadvantage, but we overcame monstrous odds against us and fought back the well-oiled war machine of Noxus, the biochemical terror of Zaun, and the ruthless pillaging of Bilgewater. We did this alone, without foreign aid, and amidst rivers of blood and tears."
"Ionia remains incomplete as long as Noxian forces occupy our land and oppress our people. We appreciate the Chancellor's generous offer of an early rematch. We also appreciate his words stating that Noxians are a people deserving of human liberties. We would like the citizens of Noxus to know that it was our appreciation of this fact that kept us from engaging in so many foreign conflicts in which we considered Noxian motives and philosophies to oppose our own. We have never requested assistance from Noxus to repair the damage dealt during their invasion, nor aid to 'modernize' our civilization. However, since debating Noxus' justifications for the occupation was not the heart of Hawkmoon's speech, it shall not be mine. We officially accept your challenge, Malek, and we will send our very best."
Before she left the podium, Karma added: "One more thing: should Noxus wish to surrender before the match, we will be absolutely willing to negotiate the terms."
Several champions, especially those involved in the invasion, have already volunteered to represent their respective city-states in the match. Irelia, Ionia's current Captain of the Guard, sought the Elders' endorsement to join the League the same day that Malek made his speech. She was officially accepted this past Tuesday, and she has already submitted herself as a candidate for the match. Master Yi and Soraka have also expressed strong desires to be included in the roster.
Noxian champions have been equally enthusiastic to participate in the match. Sion, Warwick, and Singed made appeals to the High Command to be considered. Katarina tendered her own candidacy after publically retorting to Karma's comments: "It’s nice to see that when granted an opportunity to save their 'beloved monk' and achieve their independence from 'oppression', Ionia responds with open sarcasm and disdain. I will enjoy crossing blades with you on the Fields of Justice... and Karma, if you ever tire of hiding behind your podium, I'll be happy to carve out some time out for a visit."
While the city-states make preparations, the League has opened a draft of summoners to determine who will summon these champions into battle. It will be a careful process due to the rumors of foul play involved with the previous match. The League has stated that it will be posting bulletins for prospective summoners to apply.
Troll Parties Raid Frontier Settlements
Richor Ebony commenting from NoxusEven with the barbarian threat somewhat alleviated due to their recent unification with Freljord, the cold lands to our north seem determined to prove themselves inhospitable to civilized man. The frequency of attacks by trolls—once rare in all but the wildest of frontier towns—has escalated to epidemic proportions in the northeastern region of the empire. Territorial disputes between these trolls have displaced entire tribes, putting all peaceful human settlements in the region in jeopardy as troll raiding parties wander down from the Ironspike Mountains in search of food and weapons.
A Noxian task force has been stationed in the northeastern region, and preliminary reports from captured marauders have laid the blame for their warmongering on the resurgence of the Ruhgosk tribe. This tribe, once renowned for their remarkable intelligence and cunning, was the largest and most powerful of their troll brethren before a wasting disease ravaged their numbers. During the Ruhgosks' moment of weakness, the other tribes fell upon them, seizing ancient Ruhgosk tribal lands and hunting their infected brothers to near extinction.
It has been said that the Ruhgosk have found deliverance from their malady in a most unlikely source and have managed to save their tribe. A Ruhgosk tribal warrior known as Trundle has ritualistically taken on the suffering of his tribe with the help of the presiding shamans, becoming a festering beast of disease sustained only by his remarkable regenerative powers. With their curse lifted and their terrifying savior leading the charge, the Ruhgosk have reemerged to reclaim their hereditary lands. The usurper tribes, proving to be no match for the fury of Ruhgosks' renewed vigor, have been shattered and forced to resort to nomadism.
A Noxus peacekeeping force, led by renowned troll expert and Bleak Academy Professor Hakolin, was dispatched to the area in an effort to parley with the trolls' tribal leaders and arrange a peaceful solution to the fighting. Despite advancing under a banner of peace, his vanguard has met with nothing but violence when attempting to approach the various troll encampments. With this diplomatic avenue closed off, the High Command has seen fit to proclaim the trolls of the Ironspike Mountains enemies of the state, rendering it the duty of any good and loyal citizen of Noxus to do them harm if they are able. Moreover, a bounty has also been issued against the troll menace, allowing private citizens and soldiers to exchange trophies from their hunting parties for currency.
Whether the tales of an avenging troll martyr are true or simply the deranged ramblings of these superstitious creatures, the havoc they are sowing is very real. Noxian forces in the area have already begun the hard work of organizing a militia in the threatened territories, as well as fortifying townships against further attack. Additionally, Noxus' entire Northern Legion is in the process of being consolidated just south of the Noxus-Freljord border to better ensure the safety of the populace.
The Noxian people have endured adversity at the hands of many over the course of our proud history, each time emerging ever more resolute. We shall meet this troll threat as we always have: with courage and valor. Our efforts shall ensure that human civilization prevails over aberration in the Ironspikes.
Warwick Escapes Kidnapper
Quinton Groat reporting from Zaun
Last night, authorities in Zaun were called to a bloody scene on Zaun steets in the northern Gozzryn sector. A rampaging beast - later determined to be Warwick, the Blood Hunter - was savagely attacking Zaunite civilians. By the time authorities arrived, Warwick had already slain five and injured three others. He further managed to injure three officers before local mages were able to suppress him and bring him in for questioning.
Dalo Forukin, the first officer on the scene, recounts: "He was completely feral. His fur was dark brown, and he had broken shackles cuffing his wrists. His back was bloody with lash wounds. It seemed like he didn't understand us when we spoke to him, and his eyes darted around wildly as though everything was a threat. Personally, Warwick is one of my favorite champions. I've seen maybe a hundred of his matches and I never once saw him look this savage. A lot of people forget, due to his appearance, that he is actually a brilliant chemist. He's responsible for several of Zaun's techmaturgical breakthroughs. It was truly awful to see him in that state."
Authorities were unable to calm Warwick, so they reached out to the only person who they thought would be able to get through to him: Singed. The Mad Chemist made good use of his shield while trying to reason with the beast before he decided to employ another tactic. Singed brewed a brown, fizzling concoction and force-fed it to Warwick. After half an hour of choking, the Blood Hunter seemed to regain his senses, although his appearance remained the same. Singed then spent the next hour with authorities, coaxing from Warwick the story of what happened.
"I was walking down the street in Gozzryn. It reeked of rotting refuse. I heard a snapping sound, like someone stepped on a twig, coming from an alley I just passed. Suddenly I felt overwhelming heat surging through my body. I couldn't move, and the fiery pain didn't stop until I lost consciousness. When I awoke, I was chained to a brick wall in a dank basement. Some piece of scum coated himself in garbage so I wouldn’t smell him coming."
"The gutless vermin was a man, at least I think it was a man, wearing a Zaunite radiation suit. When he spoke, his voice was deep and robotic, like what you'd expect if Blitzcrank had a cold. He wasn't a robot though, he was a victim of a Zaunite bio-assault - or so I would guess." Warwick grinned, proud of his work.
"He asked me if I remembered the faces of the children I 'murdered' in Ionia as he branded me with some kind of glowing whip. He injected me several times with unknown substances that made me more susceptible to pain and sent my mind into chaos. I'm not certain whether I was hallucinating or not, but at one point it looked like he pulled back the radiation mask, and his face underneath was half-mutated, as though he'd been exposed to some tissue-warping toxin. I've never seen anything like it in all of my experiments. If I ever find him again, I will put his filthy mutated head on a pike."
The torture apparently drove Warwick completely insane, and made him even more bestial. His kidnapper seemed to know that Warwick would eventually be able to break free of his chains, because he gave him one final injection before packing up and leaving.
The crimes Warwick committed in his wild state were categorized as "unintentional side effects of advanced experimentation", and pardoned in full.
The Eye Inside
Ram Steed, your eye inside the League of Legends
Oh what would we do without the League of Legends? Sure, it's all but eliminated war in our time, but it's given us so much more than that! The victories, the defeats, the pageantry! It's magic in a can, although I suppose someone will want to correct me and say that would be techmaturgy. Don't slow my poetic roll!
The sands of time drain on, and faithful Ram Steed has been climbing through the dunes for the juiciest tidbits of champion gossip – just for you!
Dark Child Dental Hygiene?
Many champions are involved in product endorsement. From Garen's Brushwear Boots to Taric's Magic Feather Dusters, the most popular members of the League of Legends make a little more money on the side by promoting products in which they believe. Personally, this reporter sees no problem with such behavior – in fact, I use many of the products that our favorite heroes endorse!
On the other hand, there are things that come along and make me scratch my head in wonder. Last week, the infamous Annie toured the western lands of Valoran to promote the launch of her new line of oral care products.
As the advertisement says, "The world has many places of dark magic. Don't let your mouth be one of them." This is accompanied on the packaging with a picture of both Annie and Tibbers holding themed toothbrushes and toothpaste while showing their pearly whites.
Huh. This just seems so warped that I'm at a loss for words.
A Cruel Twist of Fate
As this reporter shared several issues ago, the relationship of the blue-skinned beauty Evelynn and the gypsy rogue Twisted Fate has certainly had its share of ups and downs. On Sunday, it hit its final down.
What started out being a romantic couple's walk through Granoa Park in Demacia went cold just before sundown. Nearby sources claim that Evelynn simply dropped the bomb in the middle of a conversation, leaving Twisted Fate shocked and dismayed. She then kissed him gently on the neck and walked into the growing shadows.
Evelynn has so far been unavailable for comment. Rumors abound regarding the reason for the break-up, however. Sources close to the Widowmaker claim that this was a perfectly normal break-up for Evelynn, while others claim that there is some lucky soul waiting in the wings for her affections. The truth, as always, will come out.
This reporter managed to catch up with Twisted Fate at the Accursed Trinket, a disreputable bar in Zaun. While it seemed that Fate was open to the idea of an interview, particularly in exchange for help with his bar tab, the champion was unable to form coherent sentences. It seems that this reporter caught him long after many drinks had been downed. After what sounded like a heartfelt expression of loss (although he could have just as easily been asking for help to the bathroom), he passed out, fell off his stool, and flatulated loudly. It's this reporter's opinion that he is not taking the break-up well.
It certainly seems that the Bachelormaker has struck again! More as this develops.
Dear Mr. Steed
So much mail! I love that you have so many things you want to talk to Ram Steed about! Far less hate mail than I was expecting. Putting my hand randomly in the mail bag, I find this...
"Dear Mr. Steed –
Hello. I am Dr. Poulpe, summoner extraordinaire. It was magic to read your article this morning after a long insomnia, which put me in a good mood. I would wish to know if any of the ordinary readers of your publication could possibly obtain one or more these famous images concerning our poor Janna? All that, of course, with a legal aim." -- Yours sincerely, Dr. Poulpe
Thank you, Dr. Poulpe. It's nice to know that my little column was capable of being a bright ray of sunshine into your life. As an occasional sufferer of insomnia myself, I feel your pain.
As to your request, I find myself wanting to ask one question. What legal aim could you have for acquiring the bedroom images of Janna? She didn't break any laws. The only consequences she has to face are from the League of Legends, and they have full access to the images in question. I can only assume that you are looking to acquire said images of Janna for personal reasons, and I cannot condone participating in that scheme. This reporter is a lot of things, but I am not someone who will be a part of something like this.
So, Dr. Poulpe, good luck with your legal aims, and let your imagination be your guide! Thanks for writing in.
If you've got something to say to Ram Steed, mail me at the Journal. Some infernal techmaturgical machine will get your message and pass it on to me.
The Mailbag of Justice
Senior Summoner Ralston Farnsley commenting from the Institute of War
Couriers from all across Valoran have brought your questions here to the Institute of War. We've recently had a few questions related to the origins and motivations of champions. Of particular interest were those champions who once made their homes on other worlds. An intriguing topic indeed, friends, and today we'll do our best to shed some light on these enigmatic visitors.
"So if certain characters in the League hate each other, then why do they work together as a team in combat? Take Kayle and Morgana for example. Wasn't Kayle's existence in the league to ultimately kill Morgana? Why do I occasionally see those sisters making a great lane partner together if they want to kill each other? Why isn't there a debuff placed on characters with grudges? Is it because they're getting paid so much to not even care or what?" -- Moar RQ
Champions wishing to join the League are scrutinized with utmost care for their motivations and ambitions. One of the toughest requirements for potential champions is that they must surrender their right to refuse the call of a summoner for any reason. In the cases of Kayle and Morgana, they were willing to temporarily put aside their grudge to join the League, though summoners often comment on being mentally affected by the seething anger between these two when they are forced to fight on the same side.
Though we cannot alter the feelings of the champions we recruit, it is my suspicion that certain fighters take advantage of the situation by honing their skills on the battlefield. Although there is certainly the danger that a champion will wreak havoc after gaining immense strength during their experiences on the Fields of Justice, it is a risk the League is willing to take.
"I cannot help but notice that all new additions to the League seem to be 'applying'. Does the League have enough champions that it no longer need to pluck the unwilling and unsuspecting (such as Anivia, Morgana and Kayle) or is there another reason for the League to stop snatching champions off their homeworlds?" -- Akkasha
A most intriguing question, summoner. When the League was still young, its numbers were fewer, and support from the city-states was tenuous. While some champions recognized our authority early on, many still believed that the League of Legends would not stand the test of time, and that strife would soon return. During this time, it was extremely important that the League not take a heavy-handed approach towards the city-states by forcing their most cherished heroes to compete. Summoners were forced to be more creative when locating champions to summon, often scouring the cosmos for one that suited their needs on the Field of Justice.
It was only after Morgana was summoned to Valoran, (and subsequently pursued by her sister Kayle) that we began to realize the potential consequences of such actions. Plucking such a powerful being from its rightful place can have potentially dire consequences. As a result, the summoning of beings from other worlds is now a practice strictly regulated by the League, requiring the direct approval of the High Council of Equity before it can be attempted.
"I would like to address Rammus with this question. Rammus and Twitch intrigue me as lesser lifeforms that have become sentient. I was wondering if either of them have have discussed their sentience with each other and what their thoughts concerning one another are." -- Shillelagh
Rammus is an Armordillo of few words, so perhaps I can answer on his behalf. When he initially joined the League, Rammus gravitated towards Twitch as a similar character. Ultimately, he didn't find the Plague Rat much to his liking.
While they are both animals that have become sentient, that is where any common ground ends. Remember that Rammus became sentient in the jungles of Kumungu, while Twitch is a byproduct of the sewers of Zaun. Twitch's cruel, urban attitude displeased the Armordillo.
More surprising is the fact that Rammus and Blitzcrank found that they had more in common than one might think. While he may be a machine, Blitzcrank is another unique creation struggling to find his place in the world. Unlike the Plague Rat of Zaun, he shares a benevolent spirit with his armored companion.