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Riot should hire me as an Everything Guy

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Beatnik Doctor George Costanza

Really?

>taking my blogs seriously
I seriously hope you don't do this.

Blogs with this box at the top are jokes.
Don't take offense, okay?
Beatnik Doctor 05:01, September 25, 2011 (UTC)


Riot should hire me as a.... everything guy. Here's why!

You know, I have a lot of fun with Legends of Leagues. Though I still have the Co-Op problem. Even so, I believe that I have a lot of great ideas that would make me appropriate as a Riot employee. Therefore, in order to accomplish my mission, I have sent my blog link to all Riot employees. I think my email client bugged out and sent it 50 times though. No matter!

You see, I wish to make Riot a better place. Let me make Riot a better place.

For instance, I wish to introduce a "Casual Friday" to Riot Games. Riot Employees, on this day, will come to work wearing four popped collars, and haul in a keg of bear each. We can then discuss our Call of Duty stats and make fun of Counterstrike for being a Halo ripoff. We can have Bejewelled and Peggle contests often, with the winner getting tickets to a Green Day concert.

In order to lighten the mood at Riot Games, every so often, I would take off my clothes, sit on the floor, and pretend to be a washing machine, allowing other employees to throw their clothes at me. Hopefully Nikasaur, or even Phreak, is one of them. I certainly would enjoy pivoting on my bare buttocks. I do this often at home. It is an enjoyable experience that my father will never understand.

I feel that Riot requires a bit of help on how to balance champions. I have many great ideas on how to balance champions. I would buff Jarvan, because his attack animation doesn't whack the victim hard enough. Caitlyn's attack range would be increased to 4000, to compensate for her silly hat.

I would initiate roleplay sessions while at Riot Games. I have done this before, at the local swimming pools, when I wanted to roleplay with my friend. I requested that he be a wealthy aristocrat concerned about the state of youth in orphanages, while I would be a washing machine. I proceeded to roleplay for three hours, while my friend played his role by standing on the opposite side of the pool, pretending not to know me. I enjoyed roleplaying as a washing machine. Unfortunately, once I stopped roleplaying, I noticed a floating baby with a bloodied face. Turns out I had hit him while pivoting my arms. Due to my roleplaying experience as a washing machine, I can imitate Garen and Wukong with much expertise. I recommend you people ask me to put up a video sometime. My goal is to find the lights of Broadway and make myself known as Janola, the Jetplane Judgement.

Riot Games, hire me. My qualities listed above will ensure an amazing experience at your company!

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