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League Report Cards: Garen

Nerdybeast November 14, 2011 User blog:Nerdybeast

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Your favorite bush-whacking, DEMACIAAAA! screaming, huge armor wearing champion's childhood has been uncovered! Garen's report card! Behold!

Physical Education: A+

Vocal Music: D

AP Physics: F

AP Calculus: A+

History: D

English: F

Woodshop: C

Teacher Comments: Physical Education: Garen is a wonderful athlete. When we play football, he has to go without shoulder pads, since there aren't any that fit him. When he tries to run through a bunch of defenders who start to slow him down, he yells something loudly, then starts spinning in circles, shaking everyone off of him. He is good at running. He can sprint in four second bursts, and he has excellent endurance.

Vocal Music: Garen is a terrible singer. Unfortunately, we need to have him in our choir, since he is the only boy with a low enough voice to sing the double contra-bass part. He frequently interrupts our practices to yell "demacia", whatever that means. I must admit, however, that it takes a lot of courage to make a fool of himself like that in front of his whole class.

AP Physics: Garen is a rather stupid person, to be brutally honest. He has no common sense, and is obsessed with trying to break the laws of physics for some messed up reason. The only thing he is really interested in in my class is asking if he can make a cape that is perpetually on fire. He disproves the saying that "there's no such thing as a stupid question".

AP Calculus: Garen is surprisingly good at calculus. He seems to grasp every aspect of circles, and having radii spinning within those circles. What is odd about this, is before answering any question about a circle on a test, he says "my judgement is....". I have heard how poorly Garen performs in his other classes, so I am pleasantly surprised at his success in mine.

History: Garen is not very good at history. He seems to think our country has a king, and says things like "For the king!". He makes no sense. The only part of history he seems to grasp is military tactics. He was particularily interested in ambushing tactics. This student has no concentration. But to his credit, he is very decisive when it comes to picking sides in a discussion.

English: Garen is cleary not very good at the English language. He only seems to speak in short, simple sentences. He is very imaginative, coming up with some place called "Demacia", but his language skills are too bad for that to amount to anything. Although he does badly in my class, he perseveres to at least TRY to stay with a passing grade. Unfortunately, trying isn't enough in some cases.

Woodshop: Garen is a good woodshop-worker. He isn't particularily skilled at any of our projects, but he seems to be fascinated with the circular saws and table saws. Why he likes sharp spinning objects, I don't know, but it seems to please him, so I don't object. He doesn't, however, grasp the fact that woodworking isn't just brute force, it requires finesse. He just tries to hack through everything.

Thanks for reading Garen's report card! If you have any ideas on whose I should display next, please comment below.

For Singed's report, click here.

For Sona's report, click here.

For Tryndamere's report, click here.

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