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A completely legit balance patch V 6.7.kappa

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THIS IS TOTALLY LEGIT

WE CAN'T WAIT ANY LONGER. IT'S ABOUT TIME.

IT'S A GREAT DAY FOR LEAGUE. EVERYTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE.

NEW ULTRA RAPID FIRE WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH. SURE, IT DEFINITELY INCREASED STRATEGIC DIVERSITY AND WAS AS GLORIOUS AS URF AND DRAVEN COMBINED INTO ONE. BUT IT'S NOT WHAT WE NEEDED.

WITHOUT WAITING ANY LONGER, WE PRESENT - THE OFFICIAL PERFECT EXTREMELY NICE MEGA INTERESTING DIVERSITY PATCH - THE 6.7.kappa PATCH!

- rito gems

Champions


Akali Akali

Akali's targeted abilities are usually refered to as no-skill and oppressive. This is fully understandable, as no one enjoys being clicked to death. So, well... Skillshots!

  • General
    • Akali's basic attacks are now skillshots.
    • Base health changed from 587.8 to skillshots.
    • Now is a skillshot ability.
    • Now is a skillshot ability.
    • Now is a skillshot ability.
    • Now is a skillshot ability.
    • Now is a skillshot ability.

Alistar Alistar

Trying to define what a champion is can be really difficult! Thankfully, we already know what Alistar is, and his definition of Rammus Rammus-like tank and Malphite Malphite-ish engage god combined into one is very clear. However, he seems a little too good right now. But you know guys, Alistar has to be Alistar, so we do what we usually do in this case - nerfing everything but not the thing that causes the nerf.

    • Ally heal reduced to 1% of total heal (0.6/0.9/1.2/1.5/1.8 + 0.2% AP).

Azir Azir

  • General
    • Now is a fully functional, non-bugged champion.

Bard Bard

    • Now sealed with a door.
      • The door can be opened for 3 seconds using a hextech key.

Caitlyn Caitlyn

  • General
    • Caitlyn has new quotes - she now announces loudly her every action. Here are some of the new lines:
      • "Boom. Basic attack."
      • "Boom. Cupcake."
      • "Boom. Flash."

Corki Corki

    • Enemy champions can now sneak into the base and defuse the packages. Doing so grants the team an instant victory.

Ekko Ekko

We have discovered that Ekko is a liar. He never had the ability to manipulate time. He can't predict the future or change the past. Even his ultimate is just a blink back, not an actual time travel. Damn you, Ekko.

Because of that, his abilities are no longer associated with time, so the names are being changed. That's right Ekko, you didn't predict that, huh?

  • General
    • Title changed from "The Boy Who Shattered Time" to "The Boy Who Shattered".
    • Name changed to "Winder".
    • Name changed to "Dive".
    • Name changed to "Shift".

Fiora Fiora

    • Name changed to "Grand Bullshit".

Galio Galio

  • General
    • Still unpopular.

Gragas Gragas

It's a sad day. We have decided to remove one of his skins from the game due to following reasons:

"So I wanted to start off by saying, I think the development team has done a pretty great job with the cast of barrel using heroes in League of Legends. They are diverse, interesting, and compelling. From Graves to Gangplank to Corki the barrel using cast reflects a large spectrum of personalities and player fantasies.

With that being said, lets talk about Gragas. From a marketing standpoint, he's the star of the show. He's a great hero. When we look at the way he's portrayed in promotional media, lore, and art in game we know a few things about him.

He's Slow. He's Silly. He's Drunk. He's a Good Jungler. His body seems to be comprised of about 95% wine.

Almost all of his art reflects this. He's got cool skins: hvmKolp.png

He's got fun poses: 58sE8QF.png

He's got amazing victory animations: v9zV5jN.png

All of this art reinforces the great character you've built around Gragas.

Then out of seemingly no where we have this pose: SDviNMR.png

WHAT? What about this pose has anything to do with the character you're building in Gragas? It's not fun, its not silly, it has nothing to do with being a slow drunk jungler. It just reduces Gragas to another bland male sex symbol.

We aren't looking at an Urgot pose here, this isn't a character who is in part defined by flaunting his sexuality. This pose says to the player base, oh we've got all these cool diverse characters, but at any moment we are willing to reduce them to sex symbols to help boost our investment game.

Getting art into a triple A game isn't a small task, it has to go through a first skin art team, a second skin art team, a third art team, and a fourth art team. This is a team effort. And I believe the team is responsible for upholding the great example League of Legends can set to the rest of the industry for creating strong male characters.

I have a young daughter that everyday when I wake up wants to be toxic and feed in ranked with Gragas again. She knows who Gragas is, and as she grows up, she can grow up alongside these characters.

What I'm asking is that as you continue to add to the League cast and investment elements, you double down on your commitment to create strong male characters. You've been doing a good job so far, but shipping with a Gragas pose like this undermines so much of the good you've already done."


Kalista Kalista

    • Kalista now exists only when near her oathsworn. Moving away vanishes her from the game.

Kindred Kindred

For the same reason as with Gragas, we decided to remove Lamb's butt.

  • General
    • Lamb's dance animation removed.

Lissandra Lissandra

    • Now refreshes twice as fast when the player rapidly spams /taunt.

Maokai Maokai

  • General
    • No longer gains stealth when in jungle.

Master Yi Master Yi

  • General
    • Now is a viking.
    • Title changed from "The Wuju Bladesman" to "The Wuju Axeman".
    • Now grants crowd control immunity for the duration.

Mordekaiser Mordekaiser

  • General
    • Title changed from "The Iron Revenant" to "The King of Elo Purgatory".

Nidalee Nidalee

    • Now functions as Nidalee's basic attack.
    • Cooldown set to Nidalee's attack speed.
    • Mana cost removed. Now uses opponents' sanity as resource, draining 5% for each cast.

Pantheon Pantheon

At first we had the same problem there as with Gragas and Kindred, but luckily, we found an easy fix that doesn't require removing anything.

    • Now bursts from the ground instead of falling from the sky to avoid being viewed from inappropriate positions.
    • Champions in the AoE are turned upside down when hit to avoid being viewed from inappropriate positions.
    • ... The screen goes black as well for the duration.

Quinn Quinn

    • Now uses the same mechanic as Sion Sion's Unstoppable Onslaught.png Unstoppable Onslaught, increasing movement speed over duration and adding a turn rate.
    • Quinn has a new quote which is triggered upon colliding with a wall:
      • "VALOR YOU F**KING PIECE OF SH*T"

Rammus Rammus

  • New voiceover. Now has following lines:
    • "Moderate."
    • "Allright."
    • "Not outstanding."
    • "Just fine."
    • "Average."
    • "Pretty okay."
    • "Good enough."
    • "Ordinary."
    • "Mediocre."
    • "Very common."

Shen Shen

  • General
    • Map awareness increased by 20%.

Singed Singed

    • Now doubles Fling.png Fling's laugh duration.

Twisted Fate Twisted Fate

Twisted Fate doesn't really make the player feel like a real gambler. You know, throwing cards is nice and stuff, but come on... Where is the gambling?

This means much more than just adding something like "random gold from lasthitting". No no, it's not enough.

  • General
    • Purchasing skins for Twisted Fate now has a 1/3 chance to refund RP spent, and 1/3 chance to fail the purchase without returning any money spent.
    • Twisted Fate is no longer a famous e-sports athlete.
    • Now includes a Bronze Card that randomly pops up when colors shuffle.
      • Bronze Card has no effect on the target, but increases all attention on Twisted Fate by 250% and guarantees a ban from any post-game reports.

Xin Zhao Xin Zhao

    • Active no longer grants attack speed.
    • Now causes Xin Zhao to shout twice on each attack for the duration.

Yorick Yorick

  • General
    • Do you really care though?

Structures

League recently has problems with turrets being too weak. We have noticed such accidents as level 2 towerdives being tanked by Sona Sona, siege minions bullying the turrets and stealing their breakfast, structures randomly crunching and taking massive amounts of damage during windy days or projectiles not firing due to power shortages around the Summoner's Rift.

To prevent the dominance of towerdiving bullies, we decided to equip turrets with a bunch of unique mechanics that will not only make them stronger but also reward good towerdives and show the clear difference between good armor stackers and great armor stackers.

  • YOU MESSED WITH THE WRONG TURRET BRO: Upon taking more than 15% of its maximum health under 8 seconds, turrets will now knock nearby units away and turn into turret golems. Turret golems are melee, quick units that will chase biggest enemy champions in their vision range. Nearby enemies are marked with "REVERSE TOWER DIVE" debuff until they escape. Turret golems can also now use abilities when not attacking:
    • MOTHERF**KER TOSS: Once in a while, turrets will pick up enemy champions and toss them on other enemies, dealing damage based on amount of successful tower dives attempted by that champion.
    • THE COMBINED TILT OF 200.000 BRONZE RANKED MATCHES: Hardened tears of turrets protect them from 75% damage. If an ally misses an important CC skillshot, the tears strengthen, increasing the protection to 90% until turret golem stance is turned off. If an ally Flash.png flashes closer to the turret while being in a death hug, turret golem takes % health true damage equal to LP lost by the losing team.
    • OH GOD DIE ALREADY: When a turret fully warms up, also outside of turret golem stance, it will use its rod to smash enemy champions, slowing them down by 30% each hit. Champions affected by REVERSE TOWER DIVE debuff are slowed twice as much.
    • SCREW YOU, AND YOU, AND YOU TOO: If all enemy champions escape the reverse tower dive successfully, the turret gets pissed off, striking in all directions with massive damage for 3 seconds, or until all nearby minions are dead. The turret then returns into its place, but if anyone pisses it off in next 10 seconds, turret golem will perform the SCREW YOU, AND YOU, AND YOU TOO fury attack while getting up.
    • Turrets also now have quotes on different stages of golem mode:
      • When waking up:
        • "HOLY SH*T NOT AGAIN"
        • "PLS RIOT WE ALREADY KNOW THE RESULT"
        • "IM NOT GETTING PAID NEARLY ENOUGH"
      • Waking up when facing 5v0 after 15:00
        • "YEAH GOOD JOB BOYS"
        • "WHY DO I EVEN TRY"
      • Waking up when facing 4v0 or 5v0 before 15:00
        • "STRATEGICAL DIVERSITY"
        • "LCS LCS LCS LCS"
        • "NA MAP CONTROL THANKS TEAM"
        • "F**KING CLOWN FIESTA"

derp

i'm back
also i will repost it to reddit

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